House Greyjoy

Your Score: House Greyjoy 90% Dominant, 36% Extroverted, 36% Trustworthy Brutal. Opportunistic. Unforgiving. Rising again, harder and stronger, you are of House Greyjoy. You are a dominant personality. Although you are neither the strongest nor the most cunning, you bend the weaknesses of others to your own advantage. Extremely opportunistic, you are the Wendy Pepper of Westeros, letting everyone fall over themselves and get tangled up before springing lightly over the pile of bodies. When others criticize you, you’re more likely to cut out their tongue than lend an ear. Your arrogance is hard-wired into you to such a degree that you barely recognize other human beings to be of your same species, let alone your equals. You are also introverted, which means that nobody knows what the hell is going on inside your head. Spontaneous and extremely impulsive, your actions will always take people by surprise. As such, it’s unlikely that you have many friends or allies in the wide world; people just don’t find you trustworthy. And there’s a reason for that, too, which is... You’re untrustworthy! You are opportunistic, greedy, stubborn, and more-than-willing to climb over anyone you must to get to the top. You are unwilling to compromise on anything, and instead of using strategy, you try to eliminate as many of the other players as possible. Let’s face it—by conventional moral standards, you’re just not a very admirable person. Perhaps if you stopped laughing when people cut their fingers off at your dinner parties...? Representative characters include: Aeron Greyjoy, Asha Greyjoy, and Victarion Greyjoy Similar Houses: Baratheon, Frey, and Lannister Opposite House: Tully When playing the game of thrones, you play it buck naked, flappin’ in the breeze. Link: The Song of Ice and Fire House Test written by Geeky_Stripper on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test Well well well. Not exactly what I was expecting. Just to reassure all of you, I am completely and utterly trustworthy. And my morals are excellent. I promise. (Thanks to The Swivet, via Bookswede , for the quiz)

"The Elves of Cintra" by Terry Brooks

(This review also includes the prequel, Armageddon's Children--I read both books back to back and the story flows so well that it's hard to distinguish where one book ends and the other begins, so no spoilers for either!) I didn’t rush out to buy Armageddon’s Children when it first came out for the simple reason that I wanted to wait until the entire trilogy was released. There aren’t many books I will do this for, but Terry Brooks’ “The Word and the Void” series is one of them. For those of you who may not be aware yet, the “Genesis of Shannara” is a trilogy written to link two of Terry’s best series together. Set after the events “Angel Fire East” and before the world of the Four Lands, Armageddon’s Children and Elves of Cintra follow the journeys undertaken by two Knights of the Word in a post-apocalyptic world. To some the premise of linking the two series together (rather than writing a straight sequel to the original Word and Void) may seem like a bit of a contradiction for an author who usually prefers to let his readers fill in the blanks. However, any misgivings are sure to disappear just a few pages into Armageddon’s Children. Any worries or disappointments at Terry’s latest works like Straken are sure to fade, as it is soon delightfully obvious that he is back on top form. Despite Brooks’ entertaining Shannara and Landover series, Word and Void is where he really shines. This new series is a lot bleaker than the original trilogy, as the future foreseen in them has come to pass. Arthurian themes have diminished considerably, replaced instead with Messianic themes and references to Exodus (which were quite painful to read, I must admit)—not particularly disappointing, but not exactly subtle. Subtlety is also lacking with just about any reference to things relating to Shannara. Small things that could easily be picked up by regular Brooks readers seemed to have been signposted in huge fluorescent letters. Don’t expect Lynch-like subtlety from Elves of Cintra or Armageddon's Children. Most of the characters aren’t generally likeable, but they are interesting in their own ways. Every character has an event in their background that has shaped them dramatically, and breaks are often taken to explore relevant characters’ backgrounds through passages bearing some resemblance to “dream sequences” the Knights of the Word experience. But it’s not even the characterization that places this book above par. It’s the action and the tension—there’s a constant “all or nothing” approach to the situations all the characters are facing. Things I’ve been wondering in my fanboy-like of moments are acted out; questions that have been tossed about by fans for years have been addressed and at times it feels like an adrenaline shot. Rationale: It was very hard to pinpoint exact things that made Elves of Cintra and its predecessor such a great read, but that is probably because even as a reviewer my mind was drawn away from the artifice and into the story. Score: Highly Recommended It’s important to stress at this moment, that Armageddon’s Children is a book anyone can pick up and enjoy, with no prior knowledge of Terry’s other works. Paperbacks of Armageddon’s Children are now available, and Elves of Cintra is released in the United States and Canada on the 28th of August.

"The Blade Itself" by Joe Abercrombie

The Blade Itself has been lying in my desk draw for several weeks now, and I could honestly say I could slap myself for not reading it straight away. “Why?” I hear you ask! It’s quite simple. It is one of the most entertaining books I have read in the past year! Now that’s quite a claim isn’t it? The Blade Itself is incredibly easy to read—although that’s not to say it’s simplistic, far from it. Joe’s focus is mainly on the story and the characters, rather than wielding the stereotypical “World-building Sledgehammer” that is now associated with the fantasy genre. It is very refreshing to focus on the characters and story, without being overwhelmed by details on a world’s current affairs and history dragging back hundreds of years! This means that I was confused as to what the world really “looked like”, compounded by the lack of map. But as Joe himself has said—the characters don’t have maps, so why should the reader have the luxury? I’m usually as wary about anti-heroes as I am about selfless, perfect heroes (a la Superman and Flash Gordon)… but the characters of Logen Nine-fingers and Inquisitor Glokta were excellently written. Not villainous but definitely not heroic, one with a fractured mind, the other with a fractured body, they are fantastic protagonists and fascinating to read. Despite Joe’s flaunting of superfluous fantasy ritual like heavy world-building and map-making, he’s paid a lot of attention to detail. My two favourite points were actual language barriers between key characters—something not written accurately in most novels, if at all. The other was the shift in viewpoint of what city looks like, from both a nobleman’s perspective and a person who has never entered “civilization” before. I was truly impressed. Pointless and boring things like travel have been condensed or eliminated, skipping ahead to the next character development opportunity or plot-advancing situation. It’s as if Joe actively sat down (I know! It’s an oxymoron!) and thought about all the pointless annoying additions to the fantasy genre then decided to trim them from the story he’s weaving. Score: Highly Recommended Rationale: This is the new, streamlined face of modern fantasy. Deal with it. *As an aside, the cover is also innovative-- it feels ridged and slightly dotty. It almost "wakes up" your fingers as you're reading!

"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" by JK Rowling

At last, the long-awaited final installment in the Harry Potter series is amongst us. And let me just say, it's about time! It's been a decade since Philosopher's Stone was released, can you believe that? So, with great anticipation and relief that I finally held the last entry to the saga, I dove in. There's something magical about the first few pages of a new Harry Potter book, like returning to a regular vacation spot or the opening ceremony of the Olympics. Deathly Hallows is a little different, because none of the trio anticipate returning to Hogwarts. I'm going to break it to you straight, this isn't the strongest book in the series--but it isn't the worst. Harry faces several dilemmas, does he continue searching for Voldemort's Horcruxes, or does he set off in search of the Deathly Hallows, powerful artifacts said to grant the wielder mastery over death itself? Does he believe the surfacing accounts of Dumbledore's past? Should he allow his closest friends to remain with him, despite the danger this places them in? One of the main things I wasn't impressed with was how long it took to get the story off the ground, and actually gripping. Until roughly page 400, it feels a bit like reading an account of someone's "awesome camping trip" but it takes off like a speeding bullet from thereon in. The two main issues covered in Deathly Hallows (and indeed the rest of the series), Love and Choice, are handled exceptionally well for a children/young adult series. Every vital character, Voldemort, Harry, Dumbledore, Snape, Lucius.... has a choice to make, a decision in how their lives turn out. People are not the sum of their parts, they are the sum of their decisions and actions. One could spend a long time drawing comparisons between Voldemort's ideals and real-world fascism, but I'll leave that for another time. The second issue is the underestimation of the power that Love has on all of us. Even the most wretched and grumpy of people is affected by this emotion, and to shrug its effects aside is foolishness. The Greatest revelation of this book is regarding Severus Snape, and what makes him tick (no matter whose side he's on). He's by far my favourite character, and possibly the best written in the entire saga. Score: Recommended Rationale: The fact that it's the final chapter, the conclusion and the tieing up of loose ends--this makes up for a rather sluggish start.

"Skulduggery Pleasant" by Derek Landy

Suzanna from the Terry Brooks forum brought this book to my attention, and I’m really glad she did. Skulduggery Pleasant focuses on the skeleton wizard-detective of the same name (he won his current skull in a poker game—don’t ask what happened to his old one!) and a young girl named Stephanie. Stephanie’s uncle—a horror fiction writer—left her his fortune, including his own house. It’s not until Stephanie spends the night alone there that the story takes off, with Pleasant bashing the door down and saving her from a disturbing attacker. Skulduggery Pleasant is one of the funniest books I have read in a long time- the detective has a sense of humour to die for—jokes and quips abound, but it’s not the cheesy humour you might be used to finding inYoung Adult books. In fact, the humour is quite realistic without descending to rudeness. Despite being humourous, when it gets down to the nitty gritty of magic and action, Skulduggery Pleasant delivers, and delivers in style. Firstly, the magic system is pretty straight forward and easy to understand. It’s not basic, but Derek hasn’t really felt the need to explain needless nuances to it. Secondly, I wouldn’t describe the action as gory but it is most definitely exciting! There’s nothing quite like reading about a heist-escape with Vampires in hot pursuit! Overall this is an easy and enjoyable "Pick-up and read" kind of book. It's got action, humour, an evil mastermind and an involving but not overcomplicated plot. Score: 9/10 Rationale: Incredibly witty, and immensely fun--put Skulduggery Pleasant to the top of your "To be read" pile! Still not convinced? Read an Extract.

"Orcs" by Stan Nicholls

"Orcs" isn’t a bad book as such; it’s just not a good one. It follows the escapades of an orc warband, in search of artefacts they have no real understanding of. From the blurb, you’d be led to believe that the story follows the evil guys, or at least anti-heroes. However, instead of the interesting feast it promises, it’s a pretty disappointing and formulaic fare that reads a lot like a novelised Dungeons and Dragons campaign. It’s repetitive in several ways. Firstly, to keep the story going, roughly the same chain of events happens not twice, but three times. It feels contrived (of course it is, it’s a novel!) and had me rolling my eyes, which is never a good thing when reading! Secondly, the fight sequences that occur every 10 or so pages are excruciatingly specific and become tedious very, very quickly. I found myself reading each chapter, hoping the next would see the story really develop, but I was disappointed. It was only when I reached the final chapters that I realised this wasn’t going to happen. Instead, the ending is disjointed and almost unrelated to the rest of the book: there were no references to trans-dimensional creatures in the previous 700 pages, so it leaves the mind boggling. Another problem I have with the ending (I hesitate to call it a conclusion, because it doesn’t tie the story up) is the anti-climactic Deus ex Machina. A super-character that appears occasionally to lead the characters to the next plot point disposes of the evil queen, who has been portrayed as a powerful sorceress herself. The author’s also taken to including every fantasy creature known to man, and it is more than distracting when passing references are made to pixies, kobolds, gremlins etc... adding nothing to the story and causing you to mentally tick them off as they’re brought up. It’s an entertaining book, but don’t expect to be blown away by it in any shape or form. It’s…. popcorn fantasy, but in big enough a volume to be reasonable value for money. Score: Take it or leave it. Rationale: It’s not particularly bad, and is entertaining enough for a train journey, for example, just don’t expect to remember much about it when you put it down…. or indeed very much care.

"The Lies of Locke Lamora" by Scott Lynch

If you’re a regular visitor to Internet book forums, I doubt you will have been able to avoid the hype surrounding this book. A few of you may have run straight to the bookstore to buy a copy- some of you may not have been bothered too much, and a couple of you may have put off reading it precisely because it was the subject of such immense hype. Hype, by definition refers to exaggerated publicity or claims in order to increase sales. In this case I’m not sure it’s quite the right word to attach to “The Lies of Locke Lamora” as it is indeed a fantastically written and greatly enjoyable book. In a very small nutshell, the book follows the thieving masquerade of one Locke Lamora and his gang, the Gentlemen Bastards. Of course, the story goes much further than that simple premise, but saying more than “Lamora gets into a deadly predicament” would ruin a sizeable portion of the tale. The only criticism I have heard levelled at this book is its difficulty to follow, due to small chapters or interludes where either important side notes or the characters’ pasts are revealed. Utter Poppycock. The interludes are not only clearly labelled, they are easy to recognise as asides. These allow Lynch to include information that is essential to the novel in a (contrary to the above complaint) non-intrusive manner. Written in chronological order—or even as thoughts/emerging memories—the book would suffer immensely. Another of the things Lynch manages to pull-off to great effect is foreshadowing. Many of the events or descriptions in the asides pull together the story, leaving clues or references that the reader will pick up on later when they are referenced again. One of the best of these occurs towards the end, but is so memorable that you cannot help but feel your hair standing on end (“I just have to wait, wait until…”). Locke’s character isn’t immediately likeable. In fact I’m not sure whether I really liked him at all—but inevitably he gets (at the very least) the sympathy vote as the world unravels around him, and he’s exposed for what he is—an insecure man, still wracked with guilt about events he set in motion as an infant. Score: 9/10 Rationale: An original twist on the fantasy genre, with a renaissance atmosphere added. “The Lies of Locke Lamora” is only the first of a sequence of books, the next of which will soon be available for purchase: “Red seas under Red Skies”

"Acacia: The war with the Mein" by David Anthony Durham

David Anthony Durham's debut in Fantasy is absolutely spectacular. A writer of historical fiction, David has had ample time and practice to hone his craft. This is obvious from the first few opening chapters of "Acacia: The war with the Mein", from the bubbling tension to the perfect characterisation of even the supporting characters. In fact it takes a while to realise who the supporting characters are, as David has taken as much care developing them as the main "cast". By the middle of part one, this is cleared up. The star of act 1 is one of the secondary characters--Leodan, King of the Acacian empire. Although many other, less capable authors would not have bothered developing a character they intended to die early on in the story, David seems to have bucked the trend and done the opposite. Why is this so important? Because the reader cares more about what happens to a guilt-ridden, disillusioned widower and father of four than just "a King". In fact, Leodan is a pivotal character in the entire book, despite appearing relatively briefly. Were he not so well written, I wouldn't have cared what happened to his children. Were he not so believable and remorseful, I wouldn't have cared what happened to the "Known World". Secondary characters are just as important to the enjoyment of a book as Primary characters, whether they have a huge effect on the plot or not. One of the great things about "The war with the Mein" is definitely the characterisation. The protagonists and indeed antagonists do not stagnate (which is a good job, as the book leaps a 9 year gap between act 1 and 2), and being in totally different situations grow in different ways- no two characters are the same. Skirmishes are usually skimmed over, or taken down the the personal level, allowing for yet more characterisation and tension as violence is experienced on the personal rather than grand scale. Although I've made a huge issue of how well the characters are developed, Acacia has a lot happening in it, from full-scale invasion, through gigantic explosions to duels and weaselling. I was utterly blown away by The war with the Mein--and cannot wait for the next installment. This isn't so much a fantasy novel as a novel written utilizing the fantasy genre. It feels far more realistic than a great deal of other fantasy books out there, partly due to the characters' realistic actions and reactions, and partly due to the inclusion of non-caucasian people and tribes (which in a lesser writer's version of events may have turned into elves or dwarves). Score: 10/10 Rationale: I was going to give it a 9 to play it safe--but I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book. A great many people are looking forward to George RR Martin's "A Dance with Dragons", when they really should be queuing up to buy a copy of this. "Acacia: The War with the Mein" is on release in the US on June the 12th.